The Story That Doesn't Make Sense
by Summer Potter
Summary: Crazy plots,colourful ducks,a strange girl,LotR characters against HP in a battle,surprise guests,pies,toilet paper,Jack Sparrow and a HG love story..sort of. Co-writer is Jacy L.M.B.This story NEVER ends!
1. Potions, Bananas and a Party

Chapter 1:  
  
Ginny sat at her desk in the Potions classroom. She was chatting happily to her friend Emily, while eating a blueberry muffin. Snape pranced into the classroom and he jumped to the platform to look over the classroom.  
  
He made a large spin, then flung his arms out. "TA DA!" he hollered.  
  
The classroom erupted into applause and cheers. Snape gave a large smile and tossed back a lock of greasy black hair. He sighed and picked up his attendance list.  
  
"If you are not here say I," he said quietly, looking very serious indeed. When the class was silent, he beamed again and tossed the list to Draco. "Here, keep it"  
  
Draco's eyes widened and he smiled. "Look what I got!" he squealed excitedly. He stuffed the list into his pink, fuzzy backpack and dropped it on the floor.  
  
"Today" Professor Snape began happily, and pulling out a large box with large pink ribbons, and packages of hair elastics. "We will be braiding our hair. Everyone find a partner and start braiding"  
  
The ribbons and elastics were handed out, and students began braiding someone's hair. Ginny jumped to her feet and rushed to the front of the room, as well as Draco, ribbons and elastics in hand.  
  
"Oh, Ginny, will you help braid his hair with me?" Draco pleaded to Ginny, who nodded. Snape sat down grinning like an idiot, as Ginny and Draco began to braid his hair.  
  
"You have pretty hair, Professor" Ginny remarked, pulling out a pair of scissors from her pocket and cutting various locks of hair off.  
  
The lunch bell rang and the class left wearing bows. Some of the males even had red and pink highlights in their hair! Harry reached into his pocket, searching for his skateboard. He pulled it out, tossed it on the ground and began to skateboard down the hall.  
  
Ginny was sitting on the last step of the staircase, her knees folded, her thumb and index fingers formed 'O's and her eyes were closed.  
  
"Ginny!" Harry called, jumping off his skateboard and stomping on the end of it so it sprang into his hands.  
  
Ginny jumped up and hugged Harry.  
  
"I missed you," she said brightly, kissing his cheek.  
  
"Yeah" Harry nodded, setting his skateboard down. Ginny hopped onto his shoulders and Harry got back onto his skateboard. They went zooming down the corridors to the Great Hall.  
  
When they got in, Snape was standing behind Dumbledore and putting his long white hair into tiny braids, while chatting animatedly. McGonagall was wearing a long, elegant, black, ball gown and sipping red wine. She was talking to Hagrid seriously. The other teachers were either sitting on the tables, or on the floor, playing bingo.  
  
Harry got off his skateboard and slid into a seat at the Gryfinndor table, Ginny beside him. Ron and Hermione came in shortly after. Hermione was dragging a large boxed gift, with a huge purple bow on top, by a thick brown rope.  
  
She sat down across from Ginny and Harry, Ron beside her.  
  
"What's in the box, girl?" Ginny asked in a whisper, stuffing a few dozen purple grapes into her mouth, and chewing loudly.  
  
"How should I know," Hermione said with a shrug.  
  
"Aren't you going to open it?" Harry asked in mild surprise.  
  
"Meh" Hermione shrugged, looking up and down the table for something.  
  
She went bright red, jumped on top of the table and stomped her foot several times.  
  
"There's no Onion soup!" she screeched angrily, pulling out her wand. "I WANT ONION SOUP!" she screamed even louder.  
  
Everyone ignored Hermione, as she sat back down and started to try to convince some bred into changing into onion soup.  
  
Just then the package Hermione had been dragging burst open and Neville appeared.  
  
"Neville!" Ginny exclaimed, surprised.  
  
"Surprise!" Neville squealed happily. "I'm your present Hermione!"  
  
Hermione gave a muffled scream of horror or delight, it was hard to tell. She ran over to Neville and jumped in the box with him, returning after slapping him across the face with all her might.  
  
Hermione then calmly sat back down at the table, and began to gnaw on the table. Ginny picked up a banana and started yelling the words to a song.  
  
"Peel Bananas! Peel, peel bananas! Mush bananas! Mush, mush bananas! Eat Bananas! Eat, eat bananas!" she then got on the table, and began to spin in circles. "GO BANANAS! Go, go bananas!" she hollered.  
  
At the conclusion of Ginny's song, the entire Great Hall burst into the song. Harry was giggling like a schoolgirl and Ginny was pretending to conduct the song. McGonagall and Dumbledore began to dance to the banana song, while Hagrid was already Irish dancing.  
  
"I'm a perfect dancer!" Hagrid boomed.  
  
"I'm crazy!" Dumbledore roared through his laughter.  
  
The doors to the Great Hall burst open and Professor Sprout came in, swaying in the seat of a lawn mower.  
  
"I'm drunk!" she screamed, then she picked up a basket from her feet and began throwing dandelions everywhere. "Flowers for all!" she blurted out, whipping flowers at everyone.  
  
A giant bunny dove into the Great Hall, shattering a window.  
  
"The Easter Bunny!" Crabbe yelled, pointing at the large rabbit, who began handing out valentine cards.  
  
Harry grabbed Ginny's hand, and then picked up a large bottle of Firewhisky and chugged it. When everyone was looking, he said,  
  
"Come on, Gin-Gin" He dragged her from the Great Hall, to the Quidditch pitch. Ginny layed down in the center of the pitch and began snogging Harry.  
  
"Oh no Harry don't" Sirius said lamely, strolling out onto the pitch, along with a swarm of Dementors following behind.  
  
"Sirius!" Ginny screamed, seeing the Dementors. A few of the buttons on her blouse were undone and she hastily did them back up.  
  
Sirius grinned and pulled the nearest Dementor near him, and hugged it tightly.  
  
"We're buds now," Sirius said cheerfully. He released the dementor and smiled at Harry and Ginny. "Are you drunk?" he asked.  
  
"Oh good, 'cause I am" he muttered, dropping to the ground, fast asleep.  
  
"The sky is falling!" Harry screamed, pointing up at the blue sky above.  
  
"That's acid rain, nothing to worry about" Ginny said gently. "Come on, let's go do laundry!"  
  
Harry and Ginny walked back into the castle, leaving Sirius asleep on the ground. They walked into the castle and up to Gryfinndor Tower. Harry pulled Ginny up to his dormitory and took Ron's hang glider from under his bed and placed it in mid-air, halfway out of the window.  
  
Ginny got into the hang glider and Harry pushed her out the window. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of tap shoes. He kicked off his shoes and put them on his feet instead.  
  
He then began to tap dance quickly. Seamus came in and saw Harry tap dancing. He then noticed a pen on the ground. He bent down and snapped up.  
  
"Seamus, don't do that, because it turns Ron on. What would you do if he came into this room now?"  
  
"The bend and snap!" he said happily. "I learned it off some muggle movie. Works every time!"  
  
Ginny suddenly sailed back into the room without the hang glider.  
  
"Where's the hang glider?"  
  
"I lent it to Peter Pettigrew" she explained dully.  
  
Harry suddenly looked upset. "Oh damn!" he exclaimed. "It's his birthday today!"  
  
"Get him socks! He loves socks!" Ginny suggested happily. "Let's have a party!" Seamus exclaimed.  
  
Snape ran in the room, shaking his hands excitedly and jumping from foot to foot.  
  
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Who's birthday?!" he asked quickly.  
  
"Peter's" Ginny said proudly.  
  
"I love parties!" Snape said shrilly, clapping his hands together. "Oh! Oh! Can I buy the cake?"  
  
Ginny thought for a moment. "Will it be pink with purple sprinkles?"  
  
"Duh!" Snape exclaimed loudly.  
  
"Deal!" Harry said firmly.  
  
Snape, Ginny, Seamus and Harry all ran out to the common room to find Dumbledore, who was playing Twister with Lord Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy.  
  
Voldemort fell down and began giggling. "Does that could Albie?" he asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Afraid so. You're out" Dumbledore chuckled.  
  
Professor McGonagall spun the twister board. "Right foot, blue!" she said clearly.  
  
Lucius Malfoy put out his foot, but lost his balance and toppled to the ground.  
  
"I win!" Dumbledore cheered, picking up the chocolate cake from behind him and smashing it in his face.  
  
Voldemort folded his arms and puffed himself up angrily. "Dumbledore, that's the fifth cake you got to smash!"  
  
"So? You're just a sore loser!" Dumbledore said brightly, sticking out his tongue.  
  
"Am not!" Voldemort argued.  
  
"Are too!" Dumbledore and Malfoy said in unison.  
  
"Are not!" Voldemort cried out, tears welling in his eyes.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, we need to use this room to hold Peter's birthday party" Harry said loudly.  
  
"Oh, a party!" Voldemort said excitedly. "Will there be cake smashing?"  
  
"Yes!" Snape cheered happily.  
  
"And we can pop green balloons with arrows!" Seamus suggested.  
  
"Goody!" Lucius Malfoy hollered excitedly.  
  
"Where's Peter?" Dumbledore asked, frowning.  
  
"Hang gliding" Ginny said simply.  
  
"Well, let's give our dear friend a party then!" Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes. With that, they all went to go have a birthday party for Peter.  
  
Disclaimers: I do NOT own ANY of the following items: -The Harry Potter characters -Twister/Bingo and any other games that were mentioned 


	2. Love Triangle and an odd side of Hogwart...

Chapter 2  
  
"Harry, have you seen my dress?" Ginny asked, running into his dormitory at five in the morning.  
  
Harry sat bolt up right and nodded sleepily. "You left it dangling out the window for safe keeping," he muttered with a yawn.  
  
"Thanks, love" she said with a smile, taking her dress from the open window. She opened his hanging's slightly and shut them quickly with a giggle before opening them again.  
  
She crawled up to Harry, who wrapped his arms around her lovingly.  
  
"Are you going to sleep here?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"No" Ginny exclaimed in utter horror, kissing him quickly, before leaving the dormitory. She opened the door and slammed it as hard as possible.  
  
"That a girl!" Neville roared from behind his bed hangings.  
  
Harry looked at the clock. It was 5:15 in the morning. He stretched and got out of bed. He dressed quickly, and went down into the common room for strawberry ice cream. As soon as he was done, he pulled on his cloak, and went down into the grounds to ride one of the school elephants.  
  
"Harry, where do you think you're going?!" Hermione snarled, looking up from her book. She had been sitting under the Whomping Willow, reading Hogwarts: A History.  
  
"Morning, Hermione. I was just going to ride an elephant"  
  
"Too late. Colin and Dennis got the last ones," she said flatly, pointing at the elephants stomping around the grounds.  
  
"Well, fine. Maybe I'll just go ride my magic carpet" Harry said, his disappointment quite apparent on his face.  
  
Hermione smiled. "Would you like a cookie?" she picked up her large red cow girl hat, which was filled with peanut butter cookies. "No, I like them with carrots only" Harry replied dryly.  
  
"What's wrong? Didn't you have fun at Peter's party?" Hermione asked, setting her hat down.  
  
"No, not really. Ginny was too busy playing games and riding the elephants while spraying silly string everywhere to be snogging with me"  
  
"Harry, you know what always solves depression?" she asked calmly.  
  
"No. What?"  
  
"Sugar" Hermione said brightly. She reached into her robe pocket and pulled out a large bag of sugar.  
  
Harry took the bag from Hermione and took a handful of sugar, and dumped it into his mouth. His eyes lit up and he continued to eat the sugar. When the sun finally rose, Hermione was on her fourth book that she had brought out here to read and Harry was muttering to himself, while giggling.  
  
Ginny came out holding a red balloon and wearing a clown wig. She was humming a song she'd heard on the WWN. She saw Harry and made a beeline for him.  
  
"Hey Harry" she said happily.  
  
Harry broke out in hysterical laughter and couldn't stop. Ginny frowned.  
  
"What's so funny?" she asked.  
  
"I-don't-know" he choked out between laughter.  
  
"What the hell" she shrugged and started laughing hysterically too.  
  
Hermione stood up and stretched. She giggled slightly and started 'whooping' loudly. She ran in small circles, flapping her arms like a bird.  
  
Ron walked onto the lawn, somer-saulting down the grass, followed by Neville who was riding a purple horse. "Have you guys seen the bear wearing underwear?" Seamus asked, poking his head out of the whomping willow's branches.  
  
"No" Neville said, cantering past his friends.  
  
"I feel like pie" Hermione mumbled and walked up to the castle.  
  
"Wouldn't pie look good on Hermione?" Harry asked, grinning.  
  
"Harry, I thought you loved me," Ginny said weakly.  
  
"Ginny, I thought you loved me!" Neville yelled, galloping past her on his purple horse.  
  
"Harry, let's get married" Ginny said loudly, her hands on her hips.  
  
"I thought we were married!" Harry laughed.  
  
"What are you on?" Seamus asked sarcastically.  
  
Harry thought, then answered. "Ginny"  
  
"I love you, Harry Potter" Ginny sighed, wrapping her arms around Harry, and pushing him to the ground with passionate kisses.  
  
"Ginny!" Seamus yelled, falling from the Whomping Willow. He pried her off Harry and smacked her. "What about US?!" he roared.  
  
"Seamus, go find Parvati" Ginny growled, throwing herself back onto Harry.  
  
"Let's all have pie!" Ron suggested merrily.  
  
Ginny held one finger up, as to say 'one minute'. Thirty seconds later, she pulled herself from Harry, panting. Harry was looking dazed, as she pulled back from him and pulled him to his feet, as she got to her's.  
  
Harry took a few moments to zoom back into reality and he scooped her up, and carried her up to the grounds, screaming of his love for chocolate cake and blue ducks. They got into the Great Hall, and had a wonderful breakfast of ginger ale and chocolate-covered carrots.  
  
"Has anyone seen my clothes?!" Luna cried out, hurrying into the Great Hall.  
  
"Umbridge has them," Hermione replied, watching Luna run off grinning.  
  
"Let's sing!" Parvati hollered suddenly.  
  
Voldemort ran in, looking terrified. "Albie!" he yelled at the Head Master. "There's a kitty cat outside and he scratched me!" He moved his hand and revealed the smallest little scratch on his arm.  
  
"Aw!" Hermione cried out.  
  
"It's okay, Tommy, we'll get him!" Dumbledore said firmly, pulling a bicycle from under the table, and riding out of the Great Hall with a loud, "WEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
"Let's go home," Harry said to Ginny.  
  
"I love you" Ginny replied.  
  
"We'll come too!" Ron said brightly, taking Harry's hand. Hermione grabbed Ginny's. Snape skipped up and took Ginny's, Voldemort took Snape's and they began skipping from the Great Hall.  
  
"COUGH! COUGH! ROBITUSSIN!" They said in unison.  
  
Disclaimers: -The Harry Potter characters -Robitussin 


	3. Squirrels, Sandwiches and Jacy

Chapter 3  
  
Snape opened the door and Ginny bolted in.  
  
"Mummy! We're home!" Ginny yelled, just as her mother was visible in the next room.  
  
"Oh, Molly, can we go swimming? Huh? Please!" Voldemort begged.  
  
Molly came in the kitchen, dressed in seven sweaters and four different skirts, all at different lengths.  
  
"The water's very cold, Tommy" Molly said gently.  
  
"Oh please!" Snape begged.  
  
"Well-"  
  
"YAY!" Voldemort and Snape cheered. They ran out to the pond in the backyard and dove in.  
  
"Aren't you four going? It's very cold!" Molly asked, astonished.  
  
"No, we'll probably go snog for a while" Hermione said seriously. "Come Ron!"  
  
"Well, no one go too far! The last thing we need is children," Molly said hastily, but the couples were already upstairs.  
  
Harry shut the door and Ginny locked it. Harry pulled off his sweater, and sat on the bed. Ginny sat down next to him and began to kiss him. Ron and Hermione busted the lock and came in. Hermione re-locked the door and then the two of them began to snog in the corner.  
  
"Ginny, get your tongue out of Harry's mouth!" Ron screeched at his sister suddenly.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione snapped angrily, panting slightly. She slapped his face. "Concentrate!"  
  
Ginny forced herself from Harry, who was now laying on the bed on his back.  
  
"I wouldn't be talking" she hissed in a whisper, then returning to her snog fest. Ginny, trying to be careful so her brother wouldn't see, was slowly removing Harry's shirt.  
  
"Let's go get ice cream" Hermione said suddenly. Ginny got off Harry, who looking very lost in his own little world. Ron nodded, drooling slightly, as pranced out to get ice cream. "You two coming?" Ron asked Harry and Ginny.  
  
"Give us a moment" Harry managed to say. Hermione shut the door and Ginny sat up completly. Harry sat up and put his shirt back on. He grinned at Ginny and kissed her once more.  
  
Ginny had a horrible desire to get to know Harry even better, but ice cream was soooooo good! Harry slid his arm around her waist and they both went downstairs to get ice cream.  
  
The ice cream was cookies and cream, and Snape and Voldemort were already down in the kitchen, looking wet, but happy.  
  
"Hello all!" Ron said brightly, jumping into a seat.  
  
There was a loud roar outside, a crash and a loud bang. Dumbledore came in minutes later, a small grin on his old face.  
  
"Hello Dumbleydore!" Snape exclaimed. "What a good surprise!"  
  
"Yes, well, that plane didn't exactly land right" he said slowly, but sitting at the table. "But, whatever. Gimme ice cream!"  
  
"Where'd Harry go?" Ginny said suddenly, noticing he wasn't behind her anymore.  
  
"Harry Potter will now go for the gold!" Came Harry's voice from the stairs.  
  
The whole group ran over to the stairs to find Harry sitting at the top of the stairs on a toboggan.  
  
"Go Harry!" Snape cheered.  
  
Harry gave Snape thumbs up and leaned forward, sending the toboggan zooming down the stairs and out the front door, into the snow and bright June sunshine. They all ran outside to see if he was okay.  
  
"It's snowing!" Dumbledore said, amused.  
  
"That's odd. It was just sunny," said Voldemort with a smirk.  
  
Harry walked back towards them, with a fudge-sicle in his hand. Ron gasped.  
  
"Harry, where'd you get that?!" he asked, outraged that he didn't get one too.  
  
"I don't know" Harry said quietly, shrugging. I crashed, and got it"  
  
Ginny folded her arms and sighed. "It's that damn army of squirrels again!"  
  
"Squirrels!" Snape repeated, grinning. "I LOVE squirrels! I had a pet squirrel named Fluffy, but he bit me and I purposely dropped him in a cauldron of burning potion in my anger"  
  
"YOU had a pet squirrel?!" Ron asked, looking like he didn't believe Snape for beans.  
  
Snape nodded. "Who wants to play some football?"  
  
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed suddenly, seeing his godfather hurry up to him, holding a glass of wine.  
  
"H-hey Harry" he stuttered, trying to focus on his godson. "Look, I've got to tell you a ssssecret" he slurred, stumbling towards Harry blindly.  
  
Harry frowned, and Sirius leaned up to his ear. "The ducks are coming... this is the end!" He exclaimed in a terrified whisper. He pulled back looking frantic.  
  
"Sirius, are you drunk?" Harry asked nervously.  
  
"No!" he said in a high-pitched voice, very unlike his own. He then turned and walked away.  
  
They all stared after him, until he'd vanished. Then Snape gave a loud, shrill giggle. "Come on! Let's make sandwiches!" He cheered.  
  
They all walked to the table in the middle of the yard and started making hundreds and hundreds of peanut butter sandwiches. When the table was finally piled high with sandwiches, they stopped. Voldemort dug his hand into the peanut butter jar and smacked a huge glob on his head.  
  
"Look Dumbleydore!" Voldemort said quickly, pointing at the peanut butter on his head. "I have hair again!"  
  
"What are we going to do with all these sandwiches?" Hermione asked suddenly.  
  
"What else? Throw them in that bucket!" Ginny replied dryly, pointing at a large bucket next to the back door. Harry had a feeling that it was a new bucket.  
  
So they all put all the sandwiches into the bucket and Voldemort still had the lump of peanut butter in his hair, and Harry was finishing his fudge- sicle. When he had, he tossed the stick into the bucket. He pulled out his tap shoes and began to tap dance again.  
  
Just then, footsteps got the silent group's attention. A girl no older than 15 walked towards them. She had chestnut, curly brown hair, purple-framed glasses and greenish-blue eyes.  
  
"Hey guys" the girl said waving, and staring at the bucket full of sandwiches. "Ah, another sandwich party, huh?"  
  
"Who are you?" Hermione screamed, stomping her foot.  
  
"What are you, an angry hippo?" the girl asked curiously.  
  
Hermione screamed in the girl's face as loud as she could. When she was done, the girl blinked back at Hermione.  
  
"Are you through?" she asked kindly.  
  
"I don't like you" Hermione muttered. "Oh thank god! I'm Jacy" she exclaimed.  
  
"Why are you here?" Ginny asked through gritted teeth.  
  
"I dunno" Jacy replied with a shrug. She glanced at Voldemort and her eyes widened. "Oh my god" she breathed, hurrying up to Voldemort. "I watched you on a movie and you were like...mean! And that pet bastard you had, was it trained to obey you? Or what?"  
  
Ginny burst out laughing. "It was basilisk!" She began laughing harder, and she continued. "I'd know, it almost killed me!" she exclaimed through tears of laughter.  
  
Harry began giggling again. "Yeah, me too!" he exclaimed. They began laughing hysterically together and Jacy began digging frantically in her pockets for something.  
  
She pulled out her wallet and stared inside. She gasped and stuffed her wallet in her pocket again. "Sea monkey's got my money!" she cried out, running off for the pond and diving in.  
  
Snape folded his arms. "Not fair. I wanted to go swimming" he muttered.  
  
"Let's go stand over there!" Dumbledore exclaimed, jumping up and down and pointing to door. So Dumbledore, Harry, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Hermione and Ron walked over to the door and stood there for a long time.  
  
Disclaimers:  
  
-The Harry Potter characters -The 'Sea money's got my money' part is property of Finding Nemo -Jacy is a real person and a great friend of mine. And if you are wondering, how she acts in the story is pretty much the image of her in real life! -The basilisk/bastard joke is property of Jacy as she accidentally told me the scariest thing in the Chamber of Secrets move was the "bastard" 


	4. It's All About The Pie, Isn't Jacy?

Chapter 4  
  
That night, they sailed a floating boat back to Hogwarts. Snape fell asleep on the way back and began snoring loudly. Harry was sitting in the crow's nest, Ginny in his arms and her head on his shoulder.  
  
Voldemort was pacing below the crow's nest, his long billowing robe flowing out from behind him. Dumbledore was muttering to himself, Hermione was sleeping standing up and snoring twice as loud as Snape was. Ron was playing peek-a-boo with himself, while standing in front of a mirror.  
  
"Harry, do you want a hot dog?" Ginny asked him quietly, looking up at him.  
  
"Yes, I love hamburgers!" Harry exclaimed. Ginny nodded, and handed him a bowl of green jello. Harry ate it quickly and tossed the bowl down to the ground.  
  
There was a loud, "Ow! Holy Ducks!" from below, and Harry peered down, and saw Voldemort rubbing his bald head. He looked up and gave Harry thumbs up.  
  
"No, sign of ice bergs!" he called up to him brightly, forgetting about the pain.  
  
"Good for you!" Harry replied sarcastically, leaning back.  
  
"What an idiot" a voice muttered.  
  
Harry and Ginny looked up to see Jacy sitting on a floating chair.  
  
"Why are you here?" Ginny asked, frowning.  
  
"The leprechaun told me to come and burn things" Jacy replied excitedly.  
  
"Oh!" Harry exclaimed, nodding. "Nasty little green fellow"  
  
Jacy hopped down from her floating chair, and squinted into the darkness. Her eyes widened and she began jumping up and down.  
  
"We're here! We're here!" she said happily, clapping her hands.  
  
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Harry giggled, jumping to his feet, knocking Ginny from the crow's nest.  
  
Ginny fell on her face and got up, unscathed. She jumped off the edge of the ship and somehow floated to the shore. Everyone got off the ship; but Ron was hopping like a rabbit.  
  
Ginny looked around for Harry, but couldn't see him. She walked over to a barrel and looked in.  
  
"Harry, what are you doing in there?" she asked, staring down at Harry, who was curled into a ball in the bottom of the barrel.  
  
"I'm hiding" he whispered, with a chuckle.  
  
"Well, don't hog the hiding game!" Ginny smiled, jumping in the barrel too.  
  
"Ow, Ginny my face!" he snapped.  
  
"Who are we hiding from?" Ginny asked in a hurried whisper.  
  
Harry thought for a minute, then replied. "Ginny" he replied.  
  
"Oh, okay" Ginny nodded.  
  
Harry giggled. "She will never find us here!"  
  
Ginny grinned at him. "Nope, not in two years!"  
  
Harry looked at her sadly. "Two years is a very long time"  
  
The rest of the group walked across the grounds with Voldemort slumping along behind, stomping and dragging his feet.  
  
He then got in front of everyone and stopped them.  
  
"Someone give me a happy meal before I become mean, try to kill hundreds of people and become the world's most hated, feared wizard ever, who tries to kill Harry Potter!"  
  
"Tommy, we told you. If you didn't let us have turns riding your basilisk, it was no happy meal for you!" Snape said pointedly. "You're a meanie-weenie" Voldemort screamed, jumping up and down.  
  
"Where's Harry and Ginny?" Ron asked, noticing they weren't there with them.  
  
"Oooh!" Snape said suddenly, giving a small giggle.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, frowning.  
  
"They must be..." Snape grinned oddly.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, confused.  
  
"You know...doing..." Snape said slowly.  
  
Ron looked even more confused now.  
  
"You know... together...romantically...doing bad things..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Ron hissed, annoyed now.  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. "Doing...IT" He whispered.  
  
"Huh? What's IT?!" Ron snapped.  
  
"It! You know...getting dirty... loosing virginity... being naughty..."  
  
Ron raised his hands up in anger. "Wait until I'm awake to give me riddles!" he retorted, walking off for the Gryfinndor common room.  
  
"What an idiot" Jacy muttered, taking a large bite of her Big Mac.  
  
"Are you still here?!" Hermione yelled at Jacy.  
  
"Are you still alive?" Jacy asked in mild curiosity  
  
"You're hopeless, Jackie" Hermione sighed.  
  
"Jacy" Jacy corrected calmly.  
  
"Right" Hermione said, nodding.  
  
Jacy turned to face the man standing next to him.  
  
"Come, Johnny"  
  
Together the man and Jacy walked off towards the castle. Dumbledore sighed.  
  
"Well, good night all!" he said happily.  
  
Jacy kissed Johnny goodnight and he flew on a broom back to their billion dollar estate. Jacy then opened the door to the interview room and shut the door. She sat on the stool, facing the camera. She turned it on and smiled jauntily.  
  
"This is my first interview and I'm Jacy," she began, a huge grin on her face. "Not JC or Jay-See...Jacy!" She puts her face right up to the camera. "Got that?"  
  
She sits back down, giggling. "Anyway... I have a pie" Jacy continued, holding up her pie to the camera. "But you can't have any! You know, because I'm a normal person"  
  
She stared down at pie. "Oh god you look good" Jacy moaned. She looked up. "No! Bad Jacy! Focus on the camera" she muttered to herself.  
  
She stared back at the camera. "I'm here to talk about my position here in this crazy place. See... Snape's a real mother f-"  
  
"JACY!" Hermione screamed, banging on the door and cutting her off.  
  
Jacy sighed and continued. "Anyway... he's mad at me, because I won't share my pie. But I LOVE pie! How can I share it! God! I just want to take his foot and stick it up his butt!" Jacy remarked angrily. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "See, I'd kill for a good pie...like this one. In fact, I had to kill a yellow butterfly for this one! All I wanted was to eat this and play bingo with the-man-who-let-the-boy-live and Rudolph!"  
  
"JACY! Get out of there, NOW!" Hermione screamed, fists banging on the door.  
  
"Up yours!" Jacy hollered, still facing the camera. "See? I'm mistreated here..." tears had formed in her eyes. "I mean... everyone wants pie and I just don't think I can share it" she exclaimed, the tears falling onto her cheeks. "It's so tasty and crunchy and moldy!  
  
"JACY! If you do not open this door right now-" Hermione threatened.  
  
Jacy wiped away her tears and turned around on her stool, giving the door a very dirty look while making an angry, comical noise from her throat. She slowly turned back to the camera, looking angry.  
  
There seemed to be a pulse in her forehead, she jumped off the stool, screaming like a banshee. She ran out the room, trying to throw the pie at Hermione.  
  
"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FLUFF HEAD!" she screamed at Hermione, chasing after her.  
  
Snape walked in and shut the door and grinned toothily at the camera.  
  
"Heeeere's Snapey!!" He exclaimed  
  
He chuckled at himself and brushed his greasy hair from his face. He cleared his throat loudly and for at least thirty seconds.  
  
"I can't stand that Jacy girl" he said angrily. "No one likes people who don't share pie. It's not like I called her bad names or anything. All I wanted was the pie!"  
  
The door flung open and Jacy re-entered, balancing four pies on her head. She jumped up, body checked Snape off the stool, sending him to the ground. Jacy, on the other hand was sitting calmly on the stool.  
  
Snape started to cry. "I love you!" he sobbed, running out of the room, crying like a baby.  
  
Jacy suddenly looked alarmed as she cried,  
  
"My baby!" Jacy screamed. "Where's my baby?!"  
  
"Jacy, Ron wants you" Harry said, opening the door again. "It's about his purple underwear with green rabbits and pink butterflies"  
  
Jacy sighed. "I told him where they were"  
  
"No, he wants to ask you about them" Harry said nervously.  
  
Jacy shuddered. "Ron is a carrot head" she said to the camera. "What in the name of Harry Potter does he want?" Jacy snapped at Harry, still smiling at the camera.  
  
Harry's face brightened. "That's MY name!"  
  
Jacy gave him a dull look. "No freaking duh"  
  
Harry giggled. "You talk funny"  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You have a STRANGE accent, number five"  
  
Jacy hopped off the stool and turned off the camera.  
  
"Why can't I be number three?!" she hollered.  
  
"Only I know..."  
  
"Then tell me!" Jacy shrieked furiously.  
  
Harry shook his head, frightened. "Harry would be mad"  
  
Jacy nodded, agreeing. "We won't tell Harry, I promise"  
  
"I don't know, Zebawawa" Harry said, unsure.  
  
"Meh" Jacy shrugged, skipping from the room, and towards Gryfinndor common room. Harry picked up his tap shoes and started tap dancing, while Jacy strutted up the many staircases to the seventh floor.  
  
"I-AM-JACY! I-AM-WONDERFUL!!!" she screamed into the empty castle.  
  
Voldemort passed her, pulling on his long dark cloak, followed by an army of Death Eaters.  
  
"Damn right!" he boomed. "Come on, men! To the grave yard for my birthday!"  
  
Jacy snickered, all the way up the stairs. He didn't know that dogs had fluffy tails... 


	5. Pies, Pirates and Colourful Ducks

Chapter 5  
  
Snape put on his large black top hat and marched out of the castle. Marching behind him was his army of different colour ducks from red to purple. Snape looked serious and the ducks were quacking along to Snape's army song.  
  
"I don't know what I've been told"  
  
"Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack"  
  
"I like muffins covered in greenish mold!"  
  
"Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack"  
  
"Muffins"  
  
"Qu-ack"  
  
"Muffins in greenish mold"  
  
"Quack quack quack quack"  
  
"Greenish mold!"  
  
"Quack quack!"  
  
"Attention!" Snape hollered, as they filed onto the grounds.  
  
All the ducks got into a straight line, with their beaks in the air. Snape walked up and down the line, glaring at each one in turn.  
  
"Beaky, where's Cracker?" Snape hollered at the green duck near the end of the line.  
  
"Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack"  
  
"Who said he could paint with Jacy!" Snape yelled. "Well! I've NEVER seen such politeness in ALL my minutes as a commander!" He said furiously.  
  
Harry tossed open the doors and hurried out onto the ground.  
  
"Snape!" he hollered importantly. He stopped where he was, not far from Snape, dressed in an expensive tuxedo and black tie. In his hand, he carried a silver briefcase. "We need to talk"  
  
"Yes, sir" Snape said importantly, prancing over to where Harry stood. "What is it?" he asked excitedly. "Do I look fat?"  
  
"No"  
  
"God, I look fat, don't I?!" Snape exclaimed in horror.  
  
"No, you don't" Harry said firmly.  
  
"Why don't you just tell me if I look fat?" Snape asked hurtfully, tears welling in his eyes.  
  
"You don't-"  
  
"I look fat!" Snape wailed.  
  
"Severus Amelia Snape!" Harry yelled. "You shut up right now, or I'll tell Jacy you swiped her pie!"  
  
Snape looked at Harry in horror and fell trembling to his knees, grabbing the hem of his pants.  
  
"Please no! She'll kill me! She kills for pie!"  
  
Harry stuck his tongue out at Snape. "Get up" he growled.  
  
Obediently, Snape got to his feet, and regained his anger and seriousness immediately.  
  
"What the HELL do you want?!" he bellowed in his face.  
  
"We've run into a little problem, Snape. The squids are low on money and won't leave the aquarium to go to Neptune"  
  
Snape gasped. "Those idiots!"  
  
"I know. So I was wondering if you would make a generous donation to provide them with the cash to leave the aquarium to face Doctor Meatloaf and his army of adorable chipmunks!"  
  
Snape shook his head in pure horror. "Thee Doctor Meatloaf?! The same Doctor Meatloaf who threatens to eat all the bertie botts beans in the world and locking all the bad people up in something called a jail and attack the squids on Neptune?"  
  
Harry nodded and Snape dug frantically into his pockets, and started dumping handfuls of American money into Harry's hands, until five minutes later, his pockets were empty and Harry's pockets looked like balloons.  
  
"Is that enough dirty, dirty money to get the squids to leave the aquarium in order to fight Doctor Meatloaf who'll attack them with adorable chipmunks on Neptune in order to put all the bad people in a jail and make this world go upside down?"  
  
Harry thought, then answered. "N-yeah" he nodded and waddled off towards the school, only to have Jacy exit the school, wheeling a wheel barrow stacked high with pies.  
  
"Good evening Snape" Jacy said politely, passing him.  
  
"Up yours!" Snape hollered, pulling out his plunger and arrow. He placed the toilet plunger in the bow and slung it at Jacy's head. It hit the top of her head and stuck to it.  
  
Jacy turned around to face the mirror that sat in the middle of the grounds.  
  
"You look hot, dearie" the mirror wheezed.  
  
"Damn, I look good!" Jacy exclaimed brightly. She turned back to her wheel barrow and wheeled it into the Forbidden Forest.  
  
Snape whipped around to his army of ducks and sighed.  
  
"You're all fired" he spat angrily. "You all like Jacy! I hate you!"  
  
The ducks shrugged and waddled off in different directions. Snape fell back to his knees, sobbing into his hands.  
  
"Why me?!" he sobbed. He felt someone patting his back reassuringly.  
  
"There, there, it's okay" said a muffled voice and then a chewing sound.  
  
Snape looked up to see Jacy, patting his back, the toilet plunger still on her head and a large, mushy piece of pie in her hand. The berries inside the pie were falling everywhere and it was all over her face and hands.  
  
"Are- are you an angel?" Snape asked, amazed.  
  
"No, I'm Jacy" Jacy said brightly. "Would an angel do this..." she sat there, blinking.  
  
Snape looked at the camera and shook his head.  
  
"She is such an idiot" he said truthfully, then looked back at Jacy. "Whoa there, girlfriend. I'm not going to take any bull sh-" there was an loud beeping noise. "This is just bull sh-" beep. "Why do you f-" beep "think I'm going take this bull sh-" beep "from you, you little mother f-" beep.  
  
Jacy covered her ears.  
  
"Swim away, swim away!" she shrieked, then she let out a blood curling shriek- she had dropped her pie!  
  
"Oh god! NO!!!" Jacy hollered, running off for the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"You've got to help me!" Snape pleaded, turning towards the pirate.  
  
"Don't look at me, I'm a pirate, mate" the man said angrily. "Besides, I've got enough troubles on me hands! The Black Pearl has taken me boots!" he explained, pointing at his horrid yellow socks.  
  
"Thanks for your help" Snape said angrily, turning to his right this time, to the nun. Snape jumped on the nun's back.  
  
"Quick! You've got to fly me to the forest"  
  
"Sir, we nuns cannot fly" the nun said wisely.  
  
"Are you saying I'm fat?!" Snape shrieked, tears bursting from his eyes, as he ran to Neville's purple horse and jumped on it. "Ride George, ride!" he cried out, heading for the forest as fast as the horse could.  
  
He found Jacy's house easily. It could have been the size of the Great Hall easily. It was made of rolls of white toilet paper. The patio was made out of toilet paper, the sun roof was made out of toilet paper and all the furniture was made out of empty rolls of toilet paper.  
  
Snape clumsily slid off the purple horse and ran up to Jacy's front door, which was opened by Jacy herself.  
  
"Yes?" Jacy said rudely. "Jacy's Residence. You kill 'em, I grill 'em"  
  
"I wanted to know if you had any toilet paper" Snape said hurriedly. "It's a...uh...an emergency" he said, embarrassed, clutching himself.  
  
"That's not right" Jacy said in disgust, then she thought. "No sorry, I'm all out"  
  
"Well, all right then, I know when you're not lying. Have a happy day"  
  
"Maybe I won't! It's not my birthday, Snape" she said softly. She walked outside and ripped off her door. She tossed it all to the elephants and scared the purple horse away, before carrying her apple pie back up to the castle to go see Malfoy.  
  
Jacy walked around the lake and saw a pirate standing there, cursing at a disappearing ship and at the same time, yanking on a pair of boots. She crept up behind him, trying not to laugh.  
  
"A-CHOO!" Jacy screamed into the pirate's ear.  
  
The pirate whipped around, rubbing his ear painfully.  
  
"Look, if you're going to do that, wait until I like you"  
  
"Where?" Jacy said, looking around.  
  
"Captain Jack Sparrow" the pirate said, holding out his hand for Jacy to shake, which she did.  
  
"Betty Brown" Jacy said happily, letting go of his hand. "I mean no! Florence, wait no...." Jacy thought for a few minutes, then grinned. "I'm Jacy"  
  
"Oh, okay, that's not right" the pirate muttered. "Whatever, I need someone to wash my clothes..." he stared at Jacy hopefully.  
  
"Okay, I'll go find someone"  
  
"No, no.... the pirate code states you have to do it" Captain Sparrow pulled out a 100 foot long scroll, and let it roll across the founds. "See! First rule- If you should ever meet Jacy, she shall do thy laundry"  
  
"Hmm... that's convincing" Jacy said thoughtfully. "I got it! How about the evil robots do the cooking!"  
  
"Um... I think you're missing the point"  
  
"No, no, I got it. I can bring in the mail, but you have to sweep"  
  
"Yeah, okay, any chance you'll share that pie?" the pirate said with a sigh, annoyed that Jacy didn't want to help him.  
  
"Who do I look like? A normal person! I can't share this!" Jacy exclaimed angrily. "Look, just make the wedding proposal"  
  
"What wedding proposal?!" Captain Sparrow asked loudly.  
  
"Our's" Jacy said hurtfully. "But I can see you aren't ready to make a part time commitment to me!" Jacy sobbed, tears bursting from her eyes.  
  
"Oh dear god..." he turned back towards the lake, looking desperate. "Hey! Captain of the Black Pearl! Whatever your name is! I've changed my mind! I'll die for you!" he hollered.  
  
Jacy took him by the arm and dragged him up to the castle.  
  
"You've got a lot of explaining to do, Jack"  
  
"The name is NOT Jack, its Pamela" Captain Sparrow snapped. "Yes it is...I saw the movie about a hundred times!" Jacy giggled at him. "No, it's Jack! I watched your movie a billion times!"  
  
"What movie?" he asked incredously. "The movie! Pirates of the Caribbean!" Jacy said happily "They made a movie about me?" "Yes, and I loved it! I love you!"  
  
"That's horrible! I don't even look like a freaking normal person, mate!"  
  
"No one does" Jacy mumbled. "Now run along upstairs to our bedroom, before Johnny sees us"  
  
"Why, what are we going to do?"  
  
"Play bingo!" Jacy said cheerfully. "Come on!" Jacy pulled the struggling pirate inside and upstairs to the Gryfinndor Common Room.  
  
Ginny was the only one in here and she was staring at the fireplace, looking calm, but screaming Harry's name.  
  
Jacy ran over and taped up her mouth. She then dragged Ginny, who stayed limp in Jacy's grasp, as she pulled her to the window. Captain Sparrow ran after Jacy and stopped her.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He exclaimed.  
  
"Uh, I think it's obvious. Putting her out the window!"  
  
"You'll kill her"  
  
"Uh, Jack, I think you've forgotten she can fly"  
  
"Oh okay... And it's Pamela"  
  
He helped Jacy seat Ginny on the window, then he opened the window as Jacy took off the tape. They shoved her out the window and watched her fall to the ground.  
  
"Son of a-" Ginny yelled, hitting the ground with a very loud thump, covering her last word.  
  
Jacy and the pirate stared at each other.  
  
"That was dumb" Jacy muttered. "Hey! Ginny! Do you still love me anyway?" she yelled out the window.  
  
"You know it!" Ginny yelled back, getting to her feet, despite every broken bone in her body and walking back into the distance.  
  
Jacy beamed. "Score!" she yelled, shutting the window. "Now EVERYONE loves me!"  
  
"I don't"  
  
"Oh, Jackie, don't lie" Jacy giggled. "But, it's okay, because hating me counts as loving me..."  
  
"For the last time, it's Pamela" Jack hissed  
  
"You know, you'd look better as a man"  
  
"WHAT?!" he yelled furiously.  
  
"Whoa, dmy" Jacy muttered, walking off.  
  
"Don't use those letters!" he snapped. "What do they mean?" he asked more calmly.  
  
"Don't mess yourself" Jacy said dully.  
  
The pirate went bright red.  
  
"Well, uh, it's a little late for that"  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own any of the following items, and take no credit for them, and no money is being made.  
  
-Harry Potter characters -Jacy (obviously) -Pirates of the Caribbean (movie and Jack Sparrow) -Reference to nuns flying; this I borrowed from The Simpsons, who I assume got it from the show "The Flying Nun" -Quotes of Jacy were taken from Finding Nemo 


	6. The Wrath of Professor Flitwick

Chapter 6  
  
Hermione picked up her quill and finished up her Charms essay. She put up her hand and Professor Flitwick came over.  
  
"All done, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Yes, sir" Hermione said firmly, handing him the scroll.  
  
"Good, good. Class, this is Hermione's essay" Flitwick called out, then he looked at the piece of paper, and began to read it out. "My essay on Professor Flitwick. The professor is really, really short. He is kind of old, nice, and really short. He teaches us charms, makes a do a lot of writing, spells, and work, but that's okay, because he's short. Today is his like fifty birthday, and guess what?! He's still short! Lol! God, I laughed so hard last night, just thinking of how short he is on his birthday. Well, yeah, that's my essay, man! This dude is so short! Yo, peace out, Professor, dude! Love ya, all, 'Mione!"  
  
Professor Flitwick looked really angry as he tore up Hermione's essay. The class fell deadly silent, as their professor, stormed over to his desk. He picked up the present the staff had bought for him for his birthday and showed it to the class.  
  
It was white, with the words 'Short Stuff' written on it, in bright, large red letters.  
  
Flitwick got out his wand and started charming every object in sight. The class scrambled to get out, yelling in panic. Harry grabbed Ron's hand and they ran out of the classroom, screaming.  
  
"What's with him?" Harry asked, as he, Ron and Hermione ran down the corridor.  
  
"I don't know... the t-shirt is so hot!" Ron said nervously.  
  
Hermione ducked as a toaster flew over her head and they rounded another corner, almost bumping into Jacy.  
  
"Whoa, it's a marathon" Jacy laughed. "What's up Harry, my man?" she asked, giving Harry a high five.  
  
"Look out!" came Dumbledore's voice through laughter, as a desk came flying through the halls. "Short stuff has gone wild!" he roared. "Oh, this is so Jacy-licious" Jacy said brightly, running along with Harry, Ron and Hermione towards the Great Hall for safety.  
  
"Flitwick's gone totally mad" Harry said breathlessly, nearly being toppled over by a quill.  
  
"I'll defend you" Jacy said seriously, running in front of the group and stopping them. She pulled out a banana and held it like a gun. "They don't stand a chance with my banana-ray"  
  
"Uh, Jacy, that's just a normal banana" Hermione said worriedly.  
  
"Oh, but you're wrong!" Jacy said quickly. "It's a banana-ray 2000. It has fire power, water power, ice power and best of all, when it fires, instead of a firing-type sound, it says my name!"  
  
"Which is Jacy" Ron finished. "That is so cool"  
  
"I know" Jacy said proudly, pressing one of the bruises. When nothing happened, she continued to press it, looking more desperate each second. "Well, isn't this a real pickle..."  
  
"Now what?" Hermione asked.  
  
"I seem to have taken the wrong banana. See, I ate a banana for dinner last night... and turns out, I ate my banana-ray 2000"  
  
"Didn't it taste funny?"  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to know" Jacy shrugged. "Anyway, the point is, I'm Jacy"  
  
Hermione gave a scream of annoyance and stomped her foot.  
  
"Why can't you just go play barbies with Snape?! That's why you came here, right?"  
  
"Uh, no, actually" Jacy laughed. "And you know what, I think I'll just hang out with Hermy for the rest of the day"  
  
Hermione shook her head firmly no. "That would kill me"  
  
"No one's complaining" Ron said quickly.  
  
"Yeah, we've had a good run" Harry said with a nod.  
  
Hermione burst into tears.  
  
"The sea monkey has my money!" Hermione wailed.  
  
Jacy began to sob too and hugged Hermione.  
  
"Mine too!" she wailed.  
  
"Oh, god, I hate when I cry!" Snape yelled, dropping to his knees beside Hermione and Jacy.  
  
Hermione and Jacy hugged Snape, who managed to calm himself.  
  
"This is because I'm fat, right?" he said in a shaky voice.  
  
"No" Hermione whispered through her tears  
  
"I hate being fat!" Snape sobbed out, tears springing from his eyes.  
  
"I hate my shirt!" Flitwick screamed, running towards Harry.  
  
"Short stuff coming through" Ron hollered, making him and Harry burst out laughing.  
  
Flitwick shrugged and put one fist into the air, soaring off into the air and out of sight.  
  
Hagrid led his class into the washrooms on the fourth floor, and spread them all out to a sink, some in groups of threes, but most of them were in two's.  
  
"Now, gently turn the tap to the right" Hagrid instructed loudly.  
  
Everyone did as they were told, and waited for the next bit of instruction.  
  
"Now, the water will be coming out at a fast rate, so now is the time just to get your hands a bit wet"  
  
Everyone began to get their hands wet, and some got their faces and clothes wet.  
  
"Teacher, I need a new shirt" someone said hurriedly, running out to Hagrid. It turned out to be Hermione, who ran off to change into a new shirt,  
  
"Right, then. Next, take a little bit 'o soap and rub it into your hands until it makes lots o' bubbles"  
  
The class took about 30 seconds to do this, before they waited for the next bit.  
  
"Okay, next, rinse the soap off" Hagrid ordered, and then moments later said, "And turn the sink off"  
  
The class turned all the water off, and waited. "Now, use the water you have on yer hands to use in yer hair, makes you look cool"  
  
The class silently ran their hands through their hair and waited.  
  
"Okay, and uh, wipe your hands on someone's butt, I don't care..." he said lazily.  
  
Harry turned to Ron.  
  
"May I?"  
  
"You know it" Ron said brightly, turning around.  
  
Harry wiped his hands on Ron's butt and turned around for Ron to do the same.  
  
"Whoa, Harry, nice butt" Ron commented.  
  
"That's what Ginny told me when we were studying"  
  
"Really?"  
  
Harry nodded. "She also told me I was sexy when we were- never mind"  
  
"Wow, I can't even get Hermione into the bedroom! What's your secret Harry?" Harry smiled and turned away, as if talking to a camera. He pulled out a clear bottle, full of green liquid.  
  
"I used 'The Hot Guy's Bed Formula And Key To Success When Feeling Naughty'. It's inriched with a lot of stuff, to help you in bed. She'll be more than willing once she sees you drinking this"  
  
He turned back to Ron. "See? It's great! And so cheap! Only three payments of $99.99!"  
  
"Wow, Harry! Where can I buy it?"  
  
"Where? No, it's only available now. You have to call this really easy phone number! 837-965-2165. Then, press 4 and then 1, then star, then 2, then 6, then press the number of how many bottles you want. Remember, one costs three payments of $99.99, then press 9, then star, then 3"  
  
"Wow! That's so easy! Anything else?"  
  
"Yes! You have to give the person who will pick up the phone your name, your phone number, your email address, your credit card number, your bank account password, access to your home, your address, your garage password, your gringotts key and a monthly payment of $98.99"  
  
"Now that is a good deal! I'm going to call right after school" Ron said firmly.  
  
"Now, yer homework for tonight, is to record the process of washing yer hands. If you don't do it, I will make you wash yer hands again"  
  
The class groaned and was dismissed. Ginny kissed Draco goodbye, before walking over to Harry and kissing his cheek.  
  
"Hey Harry" Ginny said sweetly. "I love you"  
  
"Yes, I know" Harry muttered out of irritation. He shoved her aside and continuing to walk with Ron. "What's our homework again?" he muttered to Ron.  
  
"I don't know" Ron shrugged. 


End file.
